Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:11:44 GMT

i'm back in michigan. actually i've been back since the end of july, which is hard to believe. unfortunately nothing panned out the way it was supposed, but it felt so good to be home.

i found out a few days ago that my BEST FRIEND of 10 years has been talking to ryan, the guy who PROPOSED TO ME IN NEW MEXICO, behind my back. yes, i called everything off with him because it wasn't working, but to find out from someone else that your supposed friend has been lying to you and sneaking around behind your back since you got home from new mexico? it's the principle here that hurts.

i couldn't talk to her, so i sent her an e-mail instead. she's supposed to be coming home for the holidays on friday and the idea of seeing her face to face makes me sick to my stomach. i don't care about her dating him, she can have him, really... what i care about is the lying and deception that came along with it. it makes me question our entire friendship and what has or hasn't happened in the past 10 years.

this is also my last update here. despite the past few days and being a little heartbroken over the betrayal, i'm happy to be home, i'm happy with my life, and i'm doing well. i've finally got my priorities in line and i'm doing the best i can to move forward, even if that means leaving certain aspects of my life behind. i've begun losing weight again and i plan to chronicle that a bit more for my own motivation.

if you still want to follow me or be friends with me... my new account is alyssaadele and you are more than welcome to add me there.

happy holidays. you're wonderful.

about luxe.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 19:17:11 GMT

i'm a self-proclaimed music junkie. and movies. anything about entertainment, i'm there. style network and a bag of popcorn is a great date. i spend more time alone on my couch with my television than i'd ever like to admit. i don't need someone to explain my loneliness, it's self-induced. i don't consider it a bad thing, but sometimes i wish there was someone here. i find all the wrong reasons to push people away, and hope against hope someone would tell me to stay.

i have big hopes, even bigger dreams. i wish the world was a better place. i'd do (almost) anything to be recognized. i want to be a writer. a published writer. i want to make a difference. in a million lives, in just one life. any number would be enough.

i've never claimed perfection of any sort. i can't express myself in the ways i wish i could, i can't walk in heels. i've hurt friends in the past, i've been hurt by friends. i cry over almost anything, happy or sad. my nose crinkles slightly when i smile.. and that's not perfection. but i could be flawless in the way i love if someone would give me that chance.

i can memorize lines like it's going out of style. i secretly wish my friends were the characters from the cast of grey's anatomy. i wish i had a boyfriend just like george (he's the cutest!) i smoke, not very often, but i do smoke. i don't drink, i don't do drugs. "i'm high on life!" i will remember the details you wish i'd forget and sometimes my train of thought isn't exactly on track. at least, not correctly.

maybe i'm not the lush everyone wants to read about. maybe there isn't much drama in my life, at least not on the surface. but the on-going internal battle we each face everyday is something intriguing, and you should stick around to hear my story. if you weren't curious, why would you continue reading these words of mine?

music is worthless unless it can

about luxe.